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LOS ANGELES - Kidz Bop, a 2-CD set of modern pop songs toned down from radio versions, has roundly been determined to suck, clearly violating the promise in television and print advertisements saying "Kidz Bop Rocks!"
"These songs suck," Butthead said, a syndicated music critic, best known for his stint on MTV's "Beavis & Butthead." "It's like, they've got all these damn kids singing these songs, and none of them have big thingies. Hey Beavis, let's go outside and smash it with a brick."
Friend Beavis agreed. "Yeah, yeah. But, uh, could you hold the CD's this time? My face still hurts from when we smashed that Christina Agwee, Ag, uh, that 'Genie' chick."
"No, dumbass," Butthead corrected. "Then who would throw the brick?"
"Oh yeah," Beavis said.
Sold online by 800 Web Mall, the set features 30 songs such as Len's 'Steal My Sunshine,' Eiffel 65's 'Blue (Da Ba Dee)' and LFO's 'Summer Girls,' but are sung by a group of children termed the 'Kidz Bop Kids.' This reportedly makes the songs enjoyable for whole families and allows kids to dance all day while their parents needn't worry about questionable lyrics. However, many have said an unadvertised side effect is songs are left to sound "dorky" and "unlistenable."
"My mom bought it for me while we were back to school shopping," eight-year-old Brittany Taylor said. "Wal-Mart was playing parts over the speakers, and I kind of liked it. But it's stupid, Britney Spears isn't on it at all."
"When you take a song as mediocre as a 'Fly' or 'Oops... I Did It Again' and water it down, you're really not left with much," Steve Tirrell, a critic for 'Tiger Beat,' said in an interview. "I'm left to wonder why anyone would ever buy this, I mean, beyond gag gift value, of course."
"My mom is so stupid," fourteen-year-old Brian Thompson said. "She brought it home one day, with this big stupid grin on her face. She was waving it in front of me like I was supposed to be excited. It's fucking shit."
Thompson added he feared physical harm just from owning the album.
"If my friends ever found out I had this shit, it'd be like the time we beat my friend Billy up for listening to Kris Kross," Thompson said. "They suck ass too."
A call placed by the Gerbil to 800 Web Mall was not returned.