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LOS ANGELES, CA: After weeks of singing/screeching that "somebody's gotta feel this," a doctor at the UCLA Medical Center took musician Kid Rock up on his offer, diagnosing him with "some form of liver ailment."
"It's too soon to say what it is," said Dr. Ted Haumann, a hepatic specialist at the medical center. "But the liver is clearly too rigid, and at least one lobe is enlarged enough for me to tell from palpating Mr. Ritchie's abdomen."
Kid Rock, born Robert Ritchie, beseeched national television audiences during pro football broadcasts with his very vague request to "feel this." Dr. Haumann believed that Rock's general downward pointing during those words suggested a liver problem.
Rock also spent two years dating Playboy model and sometimes actress Pamela Anderson, even going so far as an engagement before breaking off their relationship. Anderson's admitted bout with hepatitis C also led Dr. Haumann to seek a liver-related basis for Rock's request.
"It will be a while before we know exactly what the problem is," said Haumann. "But in the meantime, he should lay off the stuff he's apparently advertising when asking for medical help," referring to Rock's posing the "feel this" question during ads for Coors Light beer. "It's not like alcohol will help, even the trace in that watered-down piss."