DALLAS, TX: While some mothers got chocolates or flowers on Mother's Day, Kraft gave mothers nationwide the rush of crystal meth in several tasty flavors when it launched Crystal Light Meth today.

NEW YORK, NY: Pace University President David Caputo announced earlier today that Jim J. Bullock, known for his role on "Too Close for Comfort" and a long stint on "Hollywood Squares", will deliver the annual commencement address to Pace undergraduates May 24th at Radio City Music Hall.

BALTIMORE, MD: Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill was showered with batteries today during an appearance at Johns Hopkins University.