BOSTON, MA: Marine biologists at the New England Aquarium announced today that Keiko, the killer whale who filled the title role in the Free Willy series of movies has been taken back into custody by Canadian authorities.

HELL: Weather observers here noted a significant decrease in the inferno-like temperatures yesterday after Internet retailer Amazon.com posted its first ever quarterly profits.

BOSTON, MA: Doctors at Massachusetts General Hospital here in Boston successfully removed a long, plastic horn from the rectum of a local man in a three hour procedure yesterday.