SALT LAKE CITY, UT: Less than 48 hours after a rollicking send-off of the XIX Winter Olympic Games, residents of Salt Lake City returned to the dull and overearnest lifestyle that residents have embraced ever since the city was founded.

BOSTON, MA: After consulting with patent and trademark specialists from the School of Law, the Boston University College Bowl Team has begun proceedings against USA Networks and the producers of the game show "Smush", alleging an improper trademark due to significant examples of prior art.

BAGHDAD, IRAQ: On the heels of a statement by US Secretary of State Colin Powell stating that the US may have to act alone to force a "regime change" in this country, the Iraqi government announced that they would radically alter the exercise and diet regime traditional to the country.

GREENFIELD, MA: Local man Chester Padillo made a public nusiance of himself yesterday, as he drove around town all day honking his horn and yelling in celebration of the New England Patriots' first Super Bowl title.