SAN DIEGO, CA: In a bizarre twist to the most recent Super Bowl, country music star Shania Twain entered her fourth day of captivity on the crane that she rode out of the game's halftime show.

DOHA, QATAR: The Palestinian Operative Front, a terrorist group barely known outside of the Middle East, claimed responsibility for the Oakland Raider's lopsided 48-21 loss in Super Bowl XXXVII scant minutes after the final whistle had blown.

LONDON, UNITED KINDGOM: Callard and Bowser-Suchard, Inc., maker of the Altoids line of mints and hard candy, announced today that they would be expanding their product line into narcotics, starting with a line of crack cocaine.

GREENFIELD, MA: Citing a love of NASCAR and a hate for Sadaam Hussein, local man Russ Grimsby unveiled a new series of stickers today that put the Iraqi leader in the same position as Ford, Chevrolet, and various NASCAR drivers: under a stream of urine from a cartoon boy.