GREENFIELD, MA: It's only the second day of summer, but local residents are already lamenting the passing of the summer solstice, the longest day of the year, and the passing of the days until the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year.

WASHINGTON, DC: In preparation for an upcoming report on the state of the environment and in reaction to a report last week that fuel cell technology may harm the ozone layer due to accidental leaks of hydrogen, the White House announced today that it will introduce legislation to require auto makers to produce cars powered by rageahol for the 2009 model year.

GREENFIELD, MA: Luke Taylor expressed plausible surprise and joy upon recieving a tie and bottle of Hai Karate cologne as Father's Day presents from his two children.

NEW YORK, NY: Days after appointing Derek Jeter team Captain, the New York Yankees announced that they had completed their version of the beloved 1970s pop duo.