GREENFIELD, MA: Local couple Vern Tompkins and Vera Haskell announced today that they had joined the "five feet high" club by having sex in the bathroom of a Vermont Transit bus last Friday morning.

GREENFIELD, MA: As the release date for Return of the King draws closer, local Lord of the Rings aficionados have gotten gradually more smug about the widespread scathing reviews of Revolutions.

WASHINGTON, D.C.: A 30-hour marathon session to debate judicial nominees has resulted in several noise complaints, six alcohol citations, two fistfights, and a pot bust.

CONCORD, CA: Actor Billy Sardell, featured in TV commercials for the popular West Coast pizza chain, has reported "extreme gustatory pleasure" but an exploding waistline after several months of eating only Round Table specialty pizzas.